T. E. Lawrence Correspondence – Page 589

- 2 - 27.VI.23 ... "I'm very glad you are helping Roberts. He makes help difficult sometimes, and yet I feel that I would like the oyster if I had any tool strong enough to pry it open. Tell me some time what you think of his considered effort at me. He painted with astonishing vagueness: like John who put a new expression in his eyes and mouth on each sitting: but as though there was a fixity in my appearance and mood. Do I go further now? No, I don't think there is anything more to say. The sunny is 'nothing': Derbyshire beautiful: the work very light. So I can carry on here. I wish I could see your "Wilson". There surely is a single-eyed subject for your Roberts' to cast in metal." ___________ 15.VIII.23 "My book isn't coming out: but I've asked some friends to see if there isn't an interested millionaire who would put up £2000 and let me produce a privately printed edition with all the portraits complete. There is a chance of this in the fairly near future. The Army is a foul show, and suits my momentarily savage temper ...." "Everything here in scraps, including my mind and body." ___________ 18.VIII.23 "Your letter came today: and suggested to me the way out of a difficulty which arose three days back and is worrying me. I've had a sudden call upon me for £200: and haven't a bean in the bank. Will you ask C. if it is possible for her to lend it me? I know such things shouldn't be asked: and normally I wouldn't ask: but the circumstances are special so I'm having a beg. If she doesn't want to, I hope she won't be annoyed by my asking." _________ (To Mrs. Kemington) 30.VIII.23 ... "Sunstroke isn't shameful. It is definite and not organic - objective one might say - like a broken leg. At the same time it's a bad business, and takes very long to overcome. Of course it's nothing to do with the poor old sun." _________ .... "No, I'm not going East again: my putting up with this horrible existence down here is proof of a certain sincerity of decision in the matter. .... Life very slow and hopeless: good medicine for a will diseased." _________ 5.XI.23 (P.S.) "The Army is muck, stink, and a desolate abomination". _____